Archives on months

January 2008
February 2008
March 2008
April 2008
May 2008
June 2008
July 2008
August 2008
January 2007
February 2007
March 2007
May 2007
June 2007
August 2007
September 2007
October 2007
November 2007
December 2007
October 2006
November 2006
December 2006

Legal consultation

Barbarian Diordieva - the lawyer, an analyst.
If you had legal issues, the problems connected with realisation of your rights, and also the questions, concerning legislations, write.

Setting questions, specify region (Ukraine, Russia etc.).

Lady Boss and the man

«Become for it …» What men wish to see the wives

«Become for it …» What men wish to see the wives

As is known, more than half of marriages breaks up within first several years of a joint life. Why so occurs? Whom do not ask, the answer to this burning question knows everyone. It is a pity only, that almost always they, these answers different. Husbands blame wives, wives – husbands, psychotherapists – both that, and others. And can be, actually nobody is guilty? Perhaps, problems occur that very often we marry not the real person, and for to what it to themselves we represent - we leave for an image, for a certain ideal which in a real life appears only pale reflexion of of what we dreamt.

The first months after wedding all is magnificent, but when this easy intoxication happiness passes, the reality all has more clearly an effect: it appears, that you have married at all the one who more recently brought every day to you flowers … Then there are problems.

Can not doubt: your husband almost for certain feels too, as you. After all its representations about you too have not absolutely coincided with a reality … to you interestingly to learn, to what it represented you? And what if to try to learn it, and to try to realise this ideal? Perhaps it is necessary to try? Especially if this ideal appears is close to you most …

In this experiment there is nothing bad. As is known, our life is a game. The rare woman does not possess actor's inclinations, it at us in blood. So what for to dig in natural talent in the earth? Perhaps, to try to use it in the peace purposes?

So, with what husbands wish to see the wives? Statistical interrogations are ambiguous. Men with persistent discrepancy show the most various answers, once again proving, that identical people on light do not happen and at all "preferences". And though we agree with it, nevertheless to bring some order in turned out mess all the same it is possible.

Quite really to allocate some types of the women, which images as any others excite heart and mind of the man. Choose that type which as it seems to you, your husband wishes to see in you, and forward! You are waited by surprising opening.

 
You love the husband. Whether it is possible, that you became for it such what he wishes you to see? Certainly. Simply become for it …

 

… the Keeper of a gas cooker. If to trust statistics, such wish to see the wife if not the majority of men, at least, their considerable part. The man's thinking is more conservative, than female, therefore such representations about wives have not undergone in minds of husbands of considerable changes for many decades and even centuries.

As it to make. In representation of your husband it can mean the following: having come home, it always has a tasty dinner or a supper, and the careful wife feeds him and is engaged in the house and children, not distracting from the subsequent important issues – newspaper and viewing readings on the TV of a football match. To put it briefly, classical «Kirche, Kinder, Kuchen» - church, children and kitchen …

Well, children so children. Eventually, it is not necessary to forget that posterity cultivation - эволюционно the function "fixed" to the woman. Give the chance to your husband to experience this important moment for your family.

That will turn out. If this lovely picture drawn before a mind of the spouse, is close also to your heart – remarkably. Means, the ideal of the wife of your man coincides with your own ideal. But, working over it, nevertheless do not overdo. Otherwise the husband can start to approach to this gas cooker only that нагре … forgive, to warm hands. He will address for all other pleasures of a life to other … addresses

Show imagination, how much it is possible. The main thing – never to stop on the reached. Whether let your house благоверного always is waited by something especial … you Will prepare today a stuffed cabbage or pelmeni? It is desirable, that this especial was something more intriguing.

Whether and costs? You are assured, what lovely daily house efforts are for you? All women different, and that label which hangs on us a society in the name of men, can not correspond at all to your representations about itself. And if it so, such "pretence" does not go on advantage neither to your health, nor your relations with the husband.

… the Mistress. Boredom and monotony, as is known, the worst enemy of matrimonial relations. On the statistican, thanks to boredom the majority of men go on the left. Why to you not to make so that your husband went on the left … to you?

As it to make. Imagine, that now from work to you the husband, and the lover will come not. What then? You will make a refined supper, not forgetting about афродизиаках, will put on the most refined lacy linen, and in apartment will create the bewitching atmosphere of mystery underlining your attractiveness. When it will come, on your person there will be a sincere smile of pleasure, and playful sparks in eyes will flash every minute at sights at it. You not begin to ask it about why again it to you has not brought anything – let it is done by stupid wives. Your conversations will be only about you a two …

Certainly, the spouse will be surprised, after all he considers you as the wife. But you have resolved to do that you have conceived … Therefore then will allow it that he will want: how the nobility, probably, it is pleasant also to you?.

That will turn out. Never it is necessary to refuse experimenting, even most unusually. Results can appear the most unexpected, both for you, and for it. But that after several years of marriage you will see against each other in a new fashion, can not doubt.

Whether and costs? Costs. Try at least time, and there, probably, most it is pleasant to you. Boringly it will not be exact.

 

… Big mummy

Each, most remarkable man has lacks. One - the pathological ladies' man who is not representing to the life without constant changes. Another in the personal rating puts you on an honourable second place after football (it at the best) … And the third in the thirty-forty years and has not learnt to be really independent. And, besides, psychologically has not ripened for matrimonial relations equal in rights. Even if financially he has learnt itself(himself) to provide in respect of a psychological maturity it can have problems.

If these words to the full concern your husband it is probable, basically his mother while the daddy or in general was absent on horizon was engaged in its education, or was engaged with the son a little and consequently could not transfer it that stereotype of mutual relations with women in which boys study first of all at the fathers. In general, for any reasons of it does not happen, and mum as the woman, simply could not learn the son to purely man's qualities, such, for example, as independence. Therefore such man can is tolerable exist only in "sheaf" with someone, and in the further life he will search to itself(himself) for the wife who has incurred functions of his mother. And, as a rule, it finds it. She is the woman with strongly expressed parent instinct when it spends the most part of the psychological energy for the husband.

As all it occurs, anybody precisely does not know, but if you feel, that your spouse gravitates to such kind of relations, probably, you should try something …

As it to make. Road, you have not forgotten a folder with documents? And what I have made for a dinner, took? I said to you, what you were called yesterday by Sergey from department of marketing and invited to itself to a summer residence? You are assured, what I do not need to go too? Is not present? Well, as you will tell … It seems, still someone called to you. When I will recollect, I will call you for work …

That will turn out. Hope that have correctly chosen style of behaviour. Because if you were mistaken, or in due course your husband "has outgrown" mummy and it is not necessary to it any more …

Whether and costs? Long you can play this role? The woman who for any reasons cannot express the parent instinct on children, brings down it on the husband. Whether you are capable of it? Also there is it of, that so to arrive?

 

… Admired. There are men, insufficiently self-assured and suffering from own underestimated self-estimation. They it is constant, conscious or not, compare itself to other men, and it is very frequent these comparisons happen not in their advantage. And consequently men of this type search to themselves for such woman for whom the husband is a god and which never begins to call in question its advantages and will underline only them, and all lacks of the spouse will perceive not differently, as continuations of its advantages. Such woman also will not stammer at lacks. About any …

As it to make. And how you did not notice it earlier, what actually treasure – your husband? It such hard-working and careful, presents you with colours for March, 8th every year! And as he loves a daughter: when they play together, its fervent laughter does not stop for a minute. And if someone also speaks about it something bad, it, clearly, with envy: very few people in this life manages to marry such nugget …

Anything to invent it is not necessary: simply sing that see. And if you have enough patience, gradually it will become a habit. Show all kind as you are proud of the husband and what it at you remarkable. But not in which case do not go too far in eulogy: very often men of this type it is thin feel the slightest flattery and if you благоверный convicts you of forgery – a trouble not to pass.

That will turn out. Really you have married a full pettiness? Hardly. As will praise it, you with surprise will find out, that much from this, for what you have started to sing to it dithyrambs, is close enough to the truth. And if in dialogue with the child or in expression of the love to you the spouse is still far from perfect – praise it for it ten times more strongly: results, be assured, will not keep itself waiting long.

Whether and costs? There are people whom praises make active: they work over themselves, try to get rid of lacks. That is you praise them, and they improve on eyes. Others, on the contrary, to force to work them it is possible, only having driven in stress. Differently, on them negative stimulation, for example type ultimatums «is better operates If you do not learn … I …» And if your husband from infinite praises and compliments starts to "rest on laurels" and become even worse in due course know: it concerns just the second group. Therefore regret the nerves and stop it to indulge. Enough is as good as a feast.


 
… Its property. Some potential husbands choose to themselves in the wife of such women with whom they can feel the power over them. As a rule, in relation to other people they same strong-willed, imperious, therefore, as a rule, reach in a life of the big successes – a good financial position and the high social status.

As it to make. The maximum success in this role is reached at a minimum of expenses. Certainly, if the psychology of blind submission is close to you, as any another …

Any problems. Any imagination. Any own thoughts. For you your husband will think, solve and operate.

That will turn out. If only «Big mummy» he for certain quickly enough will begin to enjoy is not necessary to your husband. Also begins to feel the present owner, the mister in a family. Other question how you begin to feel yourselves?

Whether and costs? There will pass any time, and is possible, it even will bring to you original pleasure. But practice shows, that a payment for this doubtful pleasure when you do not bear responsibility for what, it is necessary to pay very big. You still remember such word – "self-estimation"? Remember? Strange. At such style of behaviour you already should forget it. However, it is equal as well as word-combinations «girlfriends and friends», «confidence of the forces» and «freedom to do that you want». But then be not surprised, when after any time you all the same should learn them anew. Whether it is necessary to do now a step back that then with big work to come back?

 

… Unpredictable. There is nobody not a secret, that actually any person likes people who are similar to it. And some men prefer such women which some lines are close him. For example, if one of these lines – unpredictability, in good sense of this word. The monotony tyres terribly, and thus casts boredom. And in what it results, we already know. So why not to try to become spontaneous?

As it to make. He waits, what today you want to go to restaurant? And you suggest to descend in park of entertainments - to drive on attractions. Ask to buy to you sugar cotton wool and together to visit all attractions. Whether for a long time you did it last time? And together with the husband?

And next day you simply hard-working mistress who asks the husband to bring this time home pair of bunches of an asparagus or a few avocado …

For the third day you … however to think up something new it is necessary to you. Develop imagination – it very much is required now to you, therefore as the main motto of this "role" – «each next day to be not such, as yesterday».

That will turn out. He will never know, that you will throw out during the following moment., Thus, you twirl an intrigue that is necessary. The Another matter, that such intrigue is pleasant to someone, and to someone is not present.

Whether and costs? Actually, very risky method. To very few people from men it to the full is necessary to taste. Especially if it proceeds constantly, day by day. The only thing that it is possible to guarantee safely to your expensive spouse, it that at all to it will not be boring … And it already much!

 

… By itself. Probably, this role to play most difficult. It is probable, because for it you should write best of all possible scenarios. But here an ill luck: to these at you for this work of time was not … Probably because we have not got used to prove to be surrounding, and to ourselves – not good and not bad, but simply such what we are.

As it to make. And as it to make, you can understand and carry out only, and anybody is more.

Feel that you actually want, and do not hesitate to admit it. Earlier you were the mistress for the husband, and now let it becomes the lover for you.

Listen to itself. Perhaps, something does not suffice you? To ask it is not a shame, simply take that want, and you will be rewarded. You can become for it everybody, but you should be individuality. In any case. You especial, let it knows now and your husband. Unless he has not deserved it? And you?

That will turn out. All depends on you. But practice shows, that you would not make, for you most it only will be better. First time your husband can not accept you in new "shape", but then to both of you only it will be better. Because even the most remarkable mistress will sometime bother, and the wife who is not similar to anybody – never. And consequently the question «And whether costs?» Will disappear by itself. As a bad mask which is not necessary any more.

S.I.Kalugin

The doctor-psychotherapist of clinic "МераМед" R.A.Loshakov makes comments on article:


The author truly notices that fact, that for harmony in a family it is very important, that expectations of spouses under the relation were to each other justified; it is one of the basic conditions of stability of marriage. In home life a variety also is important: if one of spouses constantly is only in any one "role", through any time it can start to destroy family mutual relations and to lead to misunderstanding and conflicts between spouses. In some cases to resolve these conflicts independently it is not possible. And then it makes sense to address to the expert – to the doctor-psychotherapist who will help members of a family to understand with the personal problems, to leave a difficult situation and to adjust mutual relations with relatives.