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Barbarian Diordieva - the lawyer, an analyst.
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Family and children

Rest in the autumn: with children or without?

We have matured, have got own children, but the taken roots habit have not left. And with approach of summer we start to study attentively offers of travel agencies and we think of purchase of a new bathing suit (for every spring it is found out, that a bathing suit which fitted last summer, for winter of villages catastrophically).

Other widespread belief consists that the good, amicable family by all means should have a rest together. But here misunderstanding begin. Thus, that with this rule nobody argues, very few people follows it. Many families have thousand reasons on which to organise joint rest it is not possible. As a result hotels near Varna and Limassol in summer months remind boarding houses of mother and the child where a family with its full complement you will meet very seldom.

If порасспросить mums walking of the kiddies on a beach sand, paternal have not developed joint rest, answers will be not too various: "At our daddy it is a lot of work", "On all there was no money" and some more banal variants with indispensable присловьем: "it is final, it is better all together. Here, maybe, in the next summer...". Thus in a voice it is possible to catch hardly guilty notes: a pier, itself I understand, that the family arrives not absolutely correctly but so it has turned out...

Similar feelings most likely tests at this time and the daddy to whom next time was not possible to be entered in an image of the faultless family man. And its unaccountable torments even more will amplify, when a month it will manage later nevertheless to find time and money that most to luxuriate on the sun. Thus no resort blessings will relieve it of the latent awkwardness that it conducts itself(himself) not according to a traditional family ideal.

Here it is a high time to ask a question: whether so this ideal is universal, what each family should aspire to it? And if we have appeared not at height of this ideal, whether that it is necessary to reproach for it myself and the spouse ()?

If to read numerous articles on a theme of family rest involuntarily you like belief, that the safe family is a complete organism which can is normal exist only in unity. Experts of a different profile unanimously assert, that the most high-grade family rest - joint as it organically corresponds to the nature of a healthy family. However, if to get accustomed to real, instead of to advertising-poster families, this statement is to be challenged. No not to reject, for in many cases it is really fair. But not in all!

Physicians, teachers and psychologists assert, that joint rest promotes married couple rallying, helps to strengthen and freshen intrafamily relations far from every day vanity. And to children huge advantage. The care of both parents provides with it psychological comfort, and observing the daddy with mum in the carefree and weakened atmosphere of rest, the child like sensation of family well-being and emotional stability. Basically, with these reasonings it is difficult to argue.

However it is necessary to realise, that all these general recommendations are focused on a certain abstract family, and individual specifications are required to a concrete family more many to apply to themselves these good wishes.

Probably, the main rule of home life consists in remembering: there are no standards, equally suitable for all and everyone. That for one family well, for another can appear is destructive, and for the third simply has no value. In particular, it concerns also family rest. And, if family relations as a whole develop normally, these are features of your family, instead of advantage or lacks.

Arguing logically, it is possible to conclude, that if joint rest promotes rallying of spouses, parents and children rest separately, on the contrary, leads to family dissociation. Real life experience testifies, that more often it not so.

Certainly, if from spouses home life has grown hateful to someone, he with delight will apprehend at least time disposal of burden, and delights of holiday freedom will even more avert it from family bonds. But here a problem at all in separate rest: it only reveals, underlines that alienation which for any reasons collected long before a holiday time. When the husband or the wife separately go to have a rest, it it does not create family problems, but can aggravate them if they already are available. Moreover, attempt soften these problems at the expense of the organisation of joint rest can to lead to opposite result. If one of spouses dreams to have a rest not so much from daily cares, how many from the dearest half it will be only annoyed if its such possibility to deprive.

To people whom and so it is good with each other, a joint trip on a resort a little that will add to their kind relations. And separate rest will not ruin any family also anything to it will not damage, if, of course, on that there are no more serious reasons.

Joint rest is rather useful when one or both spouses within a year spend a lot of time in travelling and business trips and because of it gradually begin испытывавть deficiency of psychological affinity. For them two weeks spent together with children far from every day routine, will serve as excellent completion of such deficiency and gymnastics on the future. When the father (or mother - happens also such) gives too much time to career, and at home only spends the night, such additional charge too is extremely useful. However, here, more likely, it is necessary to reflect on that during all year to find more time for joint dialogue. After all it is difficult to be sated with this thin matter for a year forward as it is impossible to gorge on for the future.

Happens and on the contrary. Even in the stablest and happy families of spouses sometimes visits artful desire from each other to have a rest. Also it is not necessary this desire to be frightened, ashamed, consider it almost as a change prologue. So, having accustomed the organism to daily reception of any food, start up even деликатесной, we suddenly feel once necessity of a diet or a post. Will come to nobody in a head at all to refuse meal, and here the day of limited intake of food or week can go only on advantage to an organism. The sincere world of the person in something is similar to the world corporal. And if from daily dialogue it would be desirable to have a rest, anything reprehensible in it is not present. Someone will tell: "I can not even think of it. Day I do not wish to live without favourite". Well, means, your sincere "hunger" is not satisfied yet and there is no need in a diet. But if such need arises, too it is not terrible. And can be, it and does not arise. After all all people different.

It is necessary to realise also, that rest is not only disposal of problems. To the decision of professional and household daily problems of the spouse for long months get used, though it and tyres in due course. But on rest there are difficulties. At least on what excursion to go, what kitchen to prefer, with whom to communicate how to spend a free time, of which is unusual much... Here joint experience does not get, and contradictions, disputes and even insults are not excluded. Certainly, different families differently feel in these situations. But, going together on a resort, it is necessary to expect and such danger. And if it owing to personal features of spouses is represented enough serious, whether that is better to evade in general from it?

It concerns also relations with children. As a rule, mum with the child has a certain style of relations, in which the father does not interfere. After all at home at it the role where to care of children it is taken away, probably, not the first place. On a resort position sharply varies: mum and the daddy are equalised in the roles, that too it is unusual. Besides 24 hours a day near to the child not for any man to equivalently rest, more likely on the contrary. There are, of course, the fathers, ready to potter with children the whole days without a break. If in your family has developed in another way, it does not mean, that the daddy bad. It good, but in own way. Also it is not necessary to impose it style of behaviour which is alien to it.